Currently Grey's Anatomy - The Complete Third Season By Ellen Pompeo, Patrick Dempsey see related

Happy New Year!!!!!

Happy 2009, everybody! 

Apparently this is my first post of 2009 although we're creeping up on August.  Yes, that's right- more than seven months have passed since I lasted posted.  Pretty sure that's never happened since I began my Xanga.  See, when I started blogging I was in college.  I had lots of time on my hands, constant internet access, a variety of computers to choose from, and gaggles of Xanga-using friends.  Gradually the friends left Xanga World.  I began blogging to more and more strangers.  To some degree, this frees you to be more honest and vulnerable.  Simultaneously, it gives you less motivation to post.  I once had a lot of subscribers and they seemed to be entertained/intrigued/vaguely interested by what I wrote.  So my motivation waned, but I kept chugging along. 

Then I kinda got hit in the face with real life- job changes, moving from city to city (and a foreign country in there), time, money, logistics, boredom, an increasing desire for privacy/anonymity, etc.  It appears that when your problems change from an annoying roommate, bad parking spots, and 10-page papers to more adult things like credit card balances, family clashes, and relationship dynamics, you're less inclined to beg an audience.  I think this is true especially when one is less than proud of their choices, actions, feelings, proclivities.

These days I rarely post anything remarkably personal on Facebook (my most-used networking site) or Twitter.  I don't actually want people to know what's going on.  Why is that?  Am I becoming a hermit?  Am I just stepping into the shoes my personality really fits?  The disinterest in sharing my world with the world at large goes well beyond blogging and Tweeting.  I let emails and Facebook messages sent by friends build up in my Inbox until I just can't take the guilt anymore and finally make myself respond.  Sorry, friends, if you're one of the recipients of my way-too-late responses...or worse yet, haven't been responded to at all.

So, yeah, Jessica the Hermit may be here to stay.  Who knows?

Meanwhile, only about a month left until Jessica the Hermit becomes Jessica the Parent.

BAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

My boyfriend is in America.

One can assume that I am happy.

Only a few more days until I see him. :)

Currently The Secret Life of Bees [Theatrical Release] By Dakota Fanning, Jennifer Hudson see related

eBay and Jess: Our Story of Reconciliation

I have great news.  eBay and I have kissed and made up.

Now some of you may not be aware of how deep the rift betwixt us was.  But it was a deep and jagged.

A few years ago I bid on and won an iPod on eBay.  It was being sold brand new from a power seller with return policies and the whole shabang.  After winning, paying, and not receiving the item I contacted eBay's Resolution Center.  It turns out that this woman had accepted payment for many iPods that week and then disappeared.  It was pretty much a class action complaint that eBay received.  We were assured that our money would be returned and then NOTHING.  I contacted eBay as well as several of the other purchasers and none of us could ever get anything rectified.  After dozens of futile attempts from the group of dissatisfied customers, we all shook our heads and chalked the money up to loss.  I began utilizing eBay again sometime later, sure that my unhappy experience was a onetime deal.

Then it all started again last Summer when I attempted to log into my eBay account which had been maintained and used by me for a few years.  I had bought and sold several items including books, CDs, and event tickets.  Soon after selling several expensive textbooks and expecting the largest check to date from eBay, I went to the computer intending to check the status of my proceeds.  But, alas!  I could not log in!  Confused, I tried several more times before I realized that I had an actual problem on my hands.  I went directly to PayPal to log in there and, again, no access!  I soon realized that I had been hacked.  I tried to contact eBay (a nightmare in itself) and struck out at every attempt.  A couple of frustration-filled weeks later I decided that the money was lost, the books was gone, and I was a sucker.

I boycotted eBay.  I decided that it was too easy to have a problem and too hard to remedy it.  The risk was too great and I was too cautious to take it.  But.....then I found myself with a large box of antique books and no good venue for liquidating them.  So I decided that eBay was worth another shot.  With chagrin over losing the star and number next to my username which boasted to the world of my veteran eBay user status, I created a brand new account.  This time I completed all of seven transactions before lightning struck.  I logged in one day to be sent immediately to a page which told me that my password was not strong enough.  I had to reenter the password and type in the encrypted number for security purposes.  This should have taken me to the password change page.  Instead it sent me back to the original log-in screen.  Using the only valid password I had, I found myself back at the encrypted security page.  Once again I typed and once again I was sent back to the log-in screen.  Round and round I went.  I tried from a variety of computers.  I ensured that my pop-up blocker was turned off.  I asked for help.  I tried at different times on different days in different ways and always the same result.

Many months of zero eBay activity and many eBay emails passed.  The 2008 holiday season began to creep up on me and I decided on an item that would make my returning soldier a very merry Christmas boy.  So I sucked it up, created a new username, and bid voraciously on many listings.  Thwarted left and right, I finally won an auction and clapped in jubilation.  As I attempted to set up a new PayPal account to accompany my new eBay account, I realized that it was not going to allow me to enter the coupon code that I had received in my email.  Apparently, that coupon code was only good for the account that it was sent to.  That fact changed everything!  It was going to save me a fair amount of money and I had only bid so high with the intention of using that discount.  With my tail between my legs and a pit in my stomach, I emailed the seller.  There's been a mistake, I lamented.  MY mistake.  Fortunately, they graciously canceled the transaction within minutes of the final gavel with no hassle and no fuss, releasing me from my obligation.

I thought that all was lost in my effort to purchase this item from eBay.  In a last ditch attempt, I decided to try one more time to change my password on my second account.  I clicked my way through screens and screens and screens until I found myself resetting my password through a link in my email.  HARK!  I was logged in!  Now I have access to my already established account, don't have to set up a new PayPal account, can use the discount coupon and can start all over!!! 

For now, eBay and I are once again friends.  This tedious narrative of the ups and downs of our relationship does nothing to represent the precipices of joy over winning great tickets or the valleys of sorrow over helplessly losing money that I have experienced over the last five years or so.  But at this moment, in this little cubicle of mine, I am content once again to shake eBay's hand, call the past the past, and venture out to buy Christmas gifts from strangers in Connecticut.  Party on eBay!
____________________________________________________________________________________

Completely unrelated aside:
I am at my office as I write this post.  I have been here since 11:00 am.  Over the hours the place has grown quieter and quieter.  But I remained.  I worked, wrote, and monitored my bidding.  The cleaning crew has come and gone and informed me that I was the last person here.  This has been the case many times before and never have I felt unsafe.  However, moments ago as I typed this post, the overhead lights suddenly went out.  The power in my cubicle remained on so I knew it was no outage.  I yelled, "Hello?"  No answer came.  I heard footsteps.  Thinking quickly and breathing shallowly, I grabbed my phone and hurriedly typed in my password to unlock the screen.  I looked around for a blunt object at my desk and had nothing.  I thought back to an attack I mounted on my dear friend, Andy, in seventh grade when he hurt me with the locker door and I promptly removed my high-heeled shoe.  Not wanting to be trapped in my cubicle or be on the defense, I took my phone in one hand and my shoe in the other, spike facing out, and hurried toward the main door.  I was ready to defend myself and possibly call for help.  Instead, I saw an older gentleman coworker of mine trying to shut the door to my area.  I breathed a sigh of relief and chuckled as he looked up with puzzlement at this crazed, one-shoed woman pouncing at him.  "Hey, Don.  I thought you were here to murder me.  See you tomorrow afternoon at the meeting."  And I calmly returned to my desk and my Xanga post.

Currently Reading Love Is a Mix Tape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time By Rob Sheffield see related

Yea, Today!

Today was good.  Freezing- but good.

I got to talk to the love of my life for over an hour today.  That is certainly the first time that's happened in quite a long time.  I feel very blessed.

And then fun socializing tonight with familiar friends and newer acquaintances.  I think God was feeling especially benevolent today.  I don't know if that's really theologically sound, but I'm leaving it.

Currently Reading Imperial Reckoning: The Untold Story of Britain's Gulag in Kenya By Caroline Elkins see related

Oh, behave!

I have been quite disappointed in the behavior of some of my fellow believers this week.  I've written before about how I think many folks fool themselves into believing that the way they are to treat others doesn't apply to politicians.  In so doing, they allow themselves to rip into human beings who are otherwise decent, intelligent, and undeserving of such attacks.  Not only did I see tons of that in the days leading up to the election, but I also saw believers voice IN VERY PUBLIC FORUMS statements so belligerent, insulting, and nasty that Jerry Springer guests would blush since the results have come out.

While I never was quite so cruel, I remember a time when I, too, made snide remarks about moving abroad at the thought of another man becoming President of the United States.  What was I thinking?!  Where was my respect?  Gosh, I am so embarassed now of the way I have behaved at times in the past.  And I think to myself now, "If the results of the election on Tuesday had been different, would I act as they are?"  And I honestly think the answer is no.  I think that I've grown since those past elections to an understanding that all of our leaders are deserving of our respect, that God told us so explicitly in His Word, that to trust God fully means accepting His decision about who should win elections.  How can we say that we trust in God's sovereignty and yet spit out such arrogant jargon about what a mistake the result of the election was?  I'm confounded.

But beyond all of that, I'm embarassed.  Embarassed that believers would not only behave in such a way, but that they would do so SO PUBLICLY!  Do they hope to build rapport with their communities this way?  Do they think that they are showing at all through their actions that they are different, that they have something the world should want, that they are set apart?  I think they're not and I think it's devastating.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying that folks are not entitled to disappointment if they deeply wanted different results than what they got.  I'm not saying that they aren't entitled to shock if a particular race or issue ended up completely differently than they expected.  But these emotions should be a) temporary, b) outlasted by their faith in God's sovereignty, humility, and joy which is not determined by circumstances, and c) possibly, quite possibly, be kept a little closer to their hearts and minds and a little further from their lips, or say, keyboards.

Author's Note:  You're so vain.  I bet you think this post is about you, don't you?  Don't you?  Only assume that this post is about you if you're guilty of the crimes addressed therein.  Otherwise, just evaluate my thoughts as you would any other blog post.